You can't make this up

I met two new species of the human race whom I had not been privileged to meet until this week. Monday morning at 8 a.m., I had my hands down the backside of an old lady's one-piece Lycra bodysuit. Truly one of the most evil things ever invented, after several minutes I finally got the electrodes down to her lower back and ginormous butt. She then confessed to me, because everyone says weird and socially inappropriate things to me while I'm enclosed in a small room with them, that she hasn't bought panties OR bras in years. WHAT? And as if I wasn't weirded out enough at this point she turns and looks straight at my chest and says, "You're about a C or D right? You could get one too!" Thanks lady. I am horrified by you.


Door #2 was a patient we entered into the Patient Hall of Shame after 2 visits. She's a sweet gal but defines "rough around the edges". She's probably killed a trucker or two in her day. She is a bigger girl, close to 6 ft., well over 250 lbs.. She likes to wear spaghetti strap tank tops and daisy duke shorts with her back brace that disappears somewhere between the tank top and the shorts when she's sitting, then magically reappears when she stands. She believes her teeny tank tops are plenty of support for her proportionate boobs, which in case you miss them, are highlighted by 2 giant tattoos. On her back are 2 more giant tattoos done so that it looks like the ones in the front seeped right on through to the back. This week she came in with 4 of the biggest hickies I have ever seen on her neck ,wearing them proudly like Olympic medals. I of course didn't ask which made her want to tell me even more, "Well, I might be disabled but I'm still getting something done!"

The beginning, hopefully not the end...

This is actually a last ditch effort to keep myself from studying.  Yeah, get a blog and blab about my day, sounds better than trying to remember anything about physics!  But here it is... my first online journal.  I never have been good at getting in the habit of this.  My Mom bought me a diary with a lock on it when I was a wee little one, and I found it in a drawer in my bedroom at my parent's last weekend.  Very strange to read about who my crush was when I was 8, and then skip to a long diatribe about middle school dances.  But alas, I am going to try to keep up with this once in awhile.  

As for the day that has totally flown by, it has been very relaxing and I'm looking forward to another day like it tomorrow! I took my time waking up, which began at 7:30, and lasted a couple hours. I stayed at my dear friend, Ali's, apartment last night and will be here until Monday morning while she is in New York.  So after I showered and decided NOT to study right away (because it happened to be a good hair day too), I went to lunch Ella, met another friend, Ginger, to work on a presentation, and then the real fun began... a field trip to Hustler Hollywood!  We were on a mission for lingerie shower goodies for Jenni, who is getting married in a couple weeks.  Might I add that whenever I get married, nothing is off limits in the lingerie shower/bachelorette party department!  I never quite understood the girls who are embarrassed by flavored lotions, dirty games, and edible underthings.  How much more fun can you get?!  And what is possibly even funnier are the people coming in and out of there.  I kid you not, I passed a couple who were every bit pushing 70!!  I applauded them for their  elderly horniness and hope to be doing the same at their age.  It was a beautiful thing.   Anyway, I found this thing that cannot be described as anything but the most classic, hysterical lingerie gift I have ever gotten anyone.  Remember the candy necklaces from our childhood?  Well some genius boy out there decided to handcraft some tassels for us girls to wear on our...

LOL!  She is going to crack up!!!  Another family favorite will be the white thong with a white veil connected to it.  I don't know if you can imagine it, but memories will be made with these two!  Woowee, I love that store!!... even if it does have a wall of movies that make me want to cover my eyes in a corner and suck my thumb.  

So that's it for today.  Friends, more friends, and dirty fun sexy stuff.  And I'm going to study hard for the next 30 minutes. : )  Oh, and if you are wondering what on earth I could be studying for... it would be the MCAT, again.  If I don't get into school soon, I swear I'm going to move to the beach and braid hair for a living.